404 - Balls Not Found
by Ryokucha-sensei
Summary: [AU][FEM!Kuroko][Shounen-ai] The morning after his 21st birthday, Kuroko realised that members of his family swapped genders every 24 hours. Should they not fall in love by their 22nd birthday, they would forevermore remain their opposite gender. Follow the topsy-turvy adventures of Kuroko and his (uhh her?) best friend, Aomine, as they try to reverse the confusion.
1. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 1

**This is an extremely silly, frivolously-written fic done as a means of procrastination. I'll delete it at some point 'cos it's that ridiculous. But for now, procrastinate away… wee~**

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**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. General silliness. Deletion imminent.****An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. ****  
**

**[T] rating: Language and perversion. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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******XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 01**/02/2014 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

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"Ughhh" Aomine Daiki groaned, eyes squinting in the brightness of the sunrise.

He was hung-over.

Last night had been his childhood friend and flatmate's 21st birthday celebration, and the two pals had drunk to their hearts content. Well, he had drunk enough for two, seeing as Kuroko Tetsuya had passed out after his third beer.

With his eyes still firmly shut, Aomine felt around for his cellphone. In his blind search, he bumped into Kuroko a few times.

_'Still out?'_

"Huh?" Suddenly, Aomine's hand grasped something big, round, and incredibly soft. He gave it a few good squeezes. The squishy object filled his large hands perfectly.

"Ahh…"

_'Fuck? Did something just moan?'_

Aomine sobered up immediately, cracking open his eyes to find his hand on the right breast of a beautiful blue-haired girl.

"Dafuq?! Who the hell are you?"

Now don't misunderstand, no man loved boobies like how Aomine Daiki loved boobies. On any other occasion, he would've been all over that shit. But, a stalker girl unceremoniously sleeping on their living room floor?

No, thank you.

_'Where the hell's Tetsu?'_

"Mmm… Aomine-kun, please don't curse so early in the morning." The unidentified girl said as she stirred. Her messy long hair sprawled all over.

_'Aomine-kun? Who the hell does this bitch think she is?'_ Aomine took a second look at her.

The shirt she had on was too large on her petite body, exposing a creamy set of shoulders and an impossibly sexy collarbone.

_'That's my shirt!'_ The very same one Aomine had lent to Kuroko the night before. _'Wait, the voice is slightly higher, but that hair, those eyes, that inflection!'_

"Te... Tet… Tetsu?!" Aomine gaped. Was such a thing even possible?

"Good morning, Aomine-kun." She greeted.

"To hell with the morning, take off your shorts now!" Aomine got off of his stunned ass and proceeded to pull down the girl's shorts.

"Aomine-kun, please stop," she pushed his hands away. "My back is sore. I'm not in the mood for such stupidity."

_'Ughh… I'm never drinking again. I feel so weak, has Aomine-kun always been so strong?'_

Aomine grasped both her wrists in one hand, held her down, and pulled down her boxer shorts in one go.

"Gone… It's not there!" Aomine stuttered. "Tetsu! Everything's gone!"

"What are you on about?" Kuroko wondered if his childhood friend was still drunk.

Then, Kuroko looked down.

"Crap."

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**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 20 minutes later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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Aomine and Kuroko were currently skyping the latter's parents.

"Wait, okaa-san, you mean to tell me that everyone in the Kuroko bloodline goes through a phase of gender swapping when they hit 21?" Aomine asked. The two childhood friends and lifelong neighbors were casual with each other's parents, almost always referring to them as okaa-san and otou-san.

"That's right honey," Mrs Kuroko smiled sweetly. "Tetsuya's dad and uncle went through the same exact thing, as did their mother and the generations of Kurokos before her."

"You were a woman otou-san?" Kuroko asked.

"Yes, for a while at least. Lucky for me, I met your mother," Mr Kuroko said. "Listen carefully Tetsuya, you'll swap genders every 24 hours. However, if you don't fall in love before your 22nd birthday, you'll forever remain a woman."

"That only gives me a year." Kuroko said.

"Tetsu, can you sound at least a little bit surprised?" Aomine tiredly pleaded. "I'm freaked out of my mind here."

"I'm panicking. Can you not tell?" Kuroko said with the calmest of faces.

"Sigh… I give up," Aomine dragged his hand down his face in exasperation. "You've always been an oddball anyway." He turned towards the computer screen, "So, all we need to do is make sure Tetsu falls in love right? Then he'll… she'll? Then Tetsu'll return to normal?"

"Well, yes." Kuroko's parents were completely unfazed.

"Otou-san, okaa-san, why didn't you inform me before?" Kuroko asked.

"Ohh, you know… Think of it as a surprise birthday gift. Ah look at the time, better head off to work now. Goodbye, son… I mean daughter." Kuroko's parents chuckled nervously as they logged off. It was obvious that the married couple had forgotten to disclose that major minor-detail to their son.

A few moments passed as silence enveloped their tiny 2 bedroom flat.

_'Love…'_ Kuroko began to ponder.

"Aomine-kun, may I fall in love with you?" Kuroko asked nonchalantly.

"Like hell you can idiot!" Aomine got up and threw the gravure magazine he had in his hand to the tatami. "Fuck my life. I have to spend the next year living with a gender-swapping idiot."

"I could move in with Kise-kun if it is too much of an inconvenience." Kuroko stood up too.

"Seriously, are you that clueless?" Aomine raised an eyebrow at the girl's naiveté. "He can barely keep his hands off you as it is. Do you have any idea what he'll do if he finds out about… your special circumstances?" Aomine blushed, finding it difficult to remain calm with her blank stare looking up innocently at him.

"It's just Kise-kun."

"It's fucking Kise!," Aomine emphasized. "He'll eat you up."

"Kise-kun?"

"Yes," Aomine gripped his best friend's shoulders, bent down, and stared directly into her eyes in all seriousness.

"'Kise-kun' will lick you all over, nibble, bite, and then eat you up like a big feast."

"Are you sure you're not projecting? And, Aomine-kun, would you please calm down? It's weird seeing you this distressed," Kuroko asked, but Aomine paid her no mind.

"Tetsu. Do not let anyone else, especially Kise, ESPECIALLY KISE, know about this. Understand?" Aomine asked.

_'It's not that big of a deal though,'_ thought Kuroko. Although they had only known Kise since entering high school, the blonde model was still a good friend of theirs, even if he was a bit too liberal with his hands.

"I understand, but Aomine-kun, can you handle living with me until I fall in love?" Kuroko asked.

_'Was Aomine-kun always this big? Or have I actually shrunk?'_ Kuroko wondered. There was already a 30-centimetre gap between them. Now, in female form, the gap only seemed to widen.

Aomine removed his hands from her and gulped. In his roughness, her shirt had fallen even more, exposing the tops of her ample bosom.

_'Be strong Aomine.'_ Aomine thought to himself. As much as he tried to remind himself that she was actually a he, Aomine couldn't help but fluster. Wearing his oversized shirt and sporting tousled bed hair, Kuroko looked like a she had just woken up from a night of wild sex.

"I'll deal. But, you stink of alcohol, get in the bath. We need to get you clothes, girl clothes." Aomine repeated for clarity as he pushed her into the bathroom.

"Aren't you coming in too?" Aomine and Kuroko often bathed together. They had since they were children.

_'Be more self-aware idiot,'_ Aomine thought.

"I'll join you when your balls grow back." Aomine closed the bathroom door with a slam and walked into his bedroom before collapsing into his futon.

Aomine let everything which had happened that morning digest.

There was a gorgeously beautiful woman taking a bath in the room right next to his. Before he could stop himself, a vision of Kuroko in all of her naked glory crept into his imagination.

_'Fuck!'_

Determined to halt the stirrings of arousal, Aomine turned around and began to do push-ups, driven to exert himself to distraction.

_'It's just Tetsu for chrissake.'_ Aomine chastised himself.

He was acting completely out of character. He'd taken women to love-hotels an inestimable number of times. He was used to women. He was used to the female form. Despite that, he had never experience an urge so aggressive before.

"Aomine-kun, the bath's ready for you," Kuroko said as she entered Aomine's room. "It's unusual for you to close your door." Her tanned friend was usually too lazy to do anything he deemed unnecessary.

"Ahh… Tetsu! Knock damn it!" Aomine shouted, startled by Kuroko's sudden appearance in his room.

Aomine almost bit his tongue as he turned around. Kuroko was naked except for a small towel wrapped around her tiny waist. Her long hair was loosely pinned high on her head, baring every delicious dip and curve to his view. Her skin was still pink from the bath.

All of Aomine's effort went to waste. He grabbed his pillow and plonked it right where it hid his growing manhood.

"Damn it Tetsu. Don't come into a guy's room fucking topless!"

"But I'm a guy."

"You're not one right now."

"Aomine-kun, I am a guy." Kuroko repeated.

"Not with that rack you're not."

She sighed indifferently. "It's fine isn't it?" Kuroko asked. "Aomine-kun likes big breasts." She made a mock pose of what those idols frequently did on the cover of Aomine's gravure magazines.

"Tch, you're doing that on purpose aren't you?." Aomine forced himself to look away. "Now get out."

"But, Aomine-kun. There's a problem."

"You don't say." Aomine grumbled.

"I can't go out without a bra. My back's aching as it is." Kuroko crossed her arms beneath her breasts, hoping to give them some support.

"You're definitely doing that on purpose," Aomine was frustrated beyond belief at his best friend. "Fine, fine, I just need to get you some underwear right? I get it, now leave already."

"Thank you, Aomine-kun." Kuroko gave a slight bow before exiting his room, closing the door behind her.

Aomine brought the pillow up to his face. He was blushing harder that he cared to admit.

_'My god, she's an F-cup.'_


	2. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 2

**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. General silliness. Deletion imminent. ********An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. ********  
**

**[T] rating: Language and perversion.**

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**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 01/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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Aomine Daiki sipped his energy drink as he sat down in the living room. He had just finished shopping. In the end, the salesperson, an aged lady, had cornered him into buying multiple sets of lingerie, a few pair of hosieries, a couple of dresses, and even a turquoise choker.

_'__A necklace given from a boy to a girl symbolises his possession of her.'_ That was what the lady said.

_'__What a load of bull,"_ Aomine thought. _"Still, it might ward off unwanted suitors. God knows how many of those creeps will latch onto to her when they see her."_

"Maybe I should buy her more jewellery," Aomine wondered out loud.

"Aomine-kun?"

"Ahh! What the fuck? How long have you been here?" How could he have not noticed her walk into the living room? Especially in her state of dress, or rather, undress. She wore a pair of track-pants, baggy and low on her hips. A lacy, floral-motif, light blue bra hung loosely from her shoulders.

"For a while," she answered. "I can't hook it properly." She parted her long hair and showed her back to Aomine. Sure enough, the bra was unhooked. The sight of Kuroko arching her back like that was almost too much for Aomine.

"What are you showing it to me for?" Aomine grumbled.

"Well, Aomine-kun is more experienced with these things than I am." Kuroko said.

"I am experienced in taking them off, not putting them on," said Aomine.

"Ah, right. I better call Momoi-san." Kuroko got up to leave, but Aomine grabbed her hand.

"Are you stupid? Have you forgotten that you need to fall in love within the next year? That Momoi girl's the closest thing you've got to a female friend. She's the perfect candidate for you to fall in love with. Don't ruin your chances by doing something so stupid," said Aomine.

"Then, Aomine-kun," Kuroko sat down with her back to Aomine again. "If you'd please."

Aomine sighed. _'Who knew there'd come a day where I'd be putting underwear on a girl instead of ripping it off?'_

"Done. Now go put something over it." It took a few attempts, but Aomine finally had the finicky hook in place. Even from the back, he could tell that it fitted her perfectly.

"Aomine-kun, do girls experience a funny feeling when guys touch their backs?" Kuroko asked. Her face was flushed.

"What?! Don't ask me such a question. How should I know?" Aomine was taken by surprise. Some of the girls he had bedded had erogenous zones on their backs, but he had not nearly touched Kuroko enough to elicit such a reaction.

_'__Is she that sensitive?'_ Aomine thought, wondering what would happen if he stroked Kuroko's back in earnest. It was a temptation he stomped to death as quickly as it crept into the back of his mind.

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**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 06/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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Kuroko Tetsuya was exiting Teikou University's Department of Education when a yellow whirlwind of a human being promptly clung onto him.

"Kurokocchi!" Wailed Kise Ryouta. "I saw Aominecchi during the weekend."

"Kise-kun, you're too close." Kuroko deadpanned, vexed as he tried in vain to walk with Kise clinging to him.

"Aominecchi was buying bras and panties you know? Bras and panties! Lingerie! That's female underwear!" Kise said.

"I know what bras and panties are, Kise-kun," Kuroko stated.

"Has Aominecchi's booby fetish finally evolved into something more sinister? Or maybe he can't get it up with just visual aids anymore? Crap! Maybe he's a closet freak who likes cross-dressing." Kise was talking a mile a minute "Aominecchi's so damn cool! The notion of him fapping to female underwear, or worse, wearing them… Ahhh! I can't take it Kurokocchiiii! I won't accept it!"

"Kise-kun, you're too loud. It's getting annoying." Kuroko's calm voice held undertones of irritation.

"So cruel!" Kise moped.

Taking pity on Kise, Kuroko revealed, "Aomine-kun bought them for someone else." Inwardly, he thought, '_It's not a lie."_

"Really? Who? A girlfriend?" Kise brightened up immediately, happy to know that the varsity basketball star he idolised wasn't a freak after all. "I knew it. Aominecchi's so cool! He's a man of refined taste, so of course he would buy lingerie for his girlfriend. But, how come I don't know his girlfriend?"

"I'm- She's not his girlfriend," Kuroko corrected.

"Whoa! He gives lingerie to his non-steady lovers? That's so mature-"

Suddenly, Kise was removed from Kuroko's person. Kuroko turned around to see Aomine holding a nervous-looking Kise by the back of his collar.

"Heheheh, hi Aominecchi…" Kise greeted timidly.

"Stop draping yourself over Tetsu every time you see him. It's disgusting," said Aomine as he released Kise. A vein popped out on his forehead. Unlike Kuroko, his irritation with their blonde friend was blatant. "What are you doing here anyways?" Kise wasn't a student at Teikou University. He was already a successful idol in middle school, and chose to focus on his television career after high school.

"Well, I wanted to ask Kurokocchi about Aominecchi's shopping spree-" Kise was cut off by Aomine.

"We're done talking about that," said Aomine.

"And I wanted to invite Kurokocchi to a new café that just opened in the city. Their vanilla milkshakes have been featured in Teen Weekly," Kise continued, hoping that Kuroko would accept his invitation.

"No, thank you. I am happy with Maji Burger's vanilla milkshakes." This must have been the thirteenth time this year that Kuroko had rejected Kise's invitation, but that never seemed to discourage the blonde man's efforts in getting his date with Kuroko.

"Wait, Tetsu'll go," Aomine said suddenly. "But not with you." He gave Kise a pointed look. "This is a good excuse to ask that pink-haired girl out Tetsu," Aomine said to Kuroko.

_'__Aomine-kun is really serious about pairing me up with Momoi-san,'_ Kuroko thought, wondering why he felt slightly upset by his eagerness. Kuroko found his own predicament inconvenient, but did Aomine really detested his female form so much that he would go out of his way to plan a date for him and someone else?

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**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 2 hours laterXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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"This parfait is delicious! Thanks for bringing me to this place Kuroko-kun," Momoi Satsuki smiled as she took another scoop of her sweet dessert.

"Don't mention it, Momoi-san. I'm glad you're enjoying this," replied Kuroko. He took a sip of his vanilla milkshake, still preferring Maji Burger's version of the drink better.

Aomine and Kise were sitting in a corner of the café. Aomine wore a lazy look on his face as he watched the pair. Kise, however, was chewing at his napkin, frustrated that Momoi had taken what was supposed to be his seat.

_'__Come on Tetsu, act more interested! You're sitting with the hottest girl in the statistics department for chrissake,' _thought Aomine. He really couldn't take any more of female Kuroko. She ignited a wild, burning passion within him everything she was near, and Kuroko's nonchalant disposition on her current gender didn't help either.

Aomine needed the curse, if one could call it that, lifted.

Fast.

Otherwise, who knows how long his control, and sanity, would last.

* * *

**Changed the curse duration to 1 year. **

**Aomine and Momoi are not childhood friends in this fic.**


	3. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 3

**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. General silliness. Deletion imminent. ****Deletion imminent. ****An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. **

**[T] rating: Language and perversion.**

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**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 11/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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Kuroko Tetsuya was sitting at her usual table at Maji Burger, sipping her favourite vanilla milkshake, when a giant muscle factory of a man brusquely plunked himself down on the seat across her. He had a mountain of burgers on his tray.

_'__What a healthy appetite,' _Kuroko thought, looking at him as she counted the seconds until he would notice her presence.

3…

2…

1

"Nghkk!" The red-head proceeded to down half of his super-sized soda, thumping his chest so he could swallow his mouth full of burgers. "What the hell?! Who are you? Why are you sitting here?"

"I've been here since the start. Kagami-kun was the one who sat down uninvited," said Kuroko.

"'Kagami-kun?'" Kagami raised an eyebrow at Kuroko, trying to remember if he knew the girl from somewhere. "Have we met?"

"We attended a Japanese seminar together back in our third year of high school," Kuroko explained. "Although, I'm not surprised you don't remember me."

_'__I was a guy back then after all,"_ Kuroko thought.

_'__I'm surprised I don't remember you,'_ Kagami thought. Sure, he wasn't one to pay too much attention to girls, but even he would've certainly noticed someone as striking as her.

That waterfall of soft, light-blue hair; those big, beautiful eyes; that expanse of clear, flawless skin; that pert little nose; those naturally pouty lips which were made for kissing.

_'__And those… assets…' _Kagami gulped. She was dressed in boyish, ill-fitting clothes, but one would've had to be blind to not notice those bouncy breasts. _'Did I really miss someone like her? Then again, she does have an almost invisible presence.' _

"Uh, umm," Kagami finally managed after a while. "What's your name?"

"Just call me Kuroko," answered Kuroko. In truth, she wasn't certain what her name was in this state.

"How's your Japanese now? You were giving the lecturer a hard time back then as I recall," asked Kuroko.

"It's decent, I guess..." Kagami had spent most of his life in the States, so he still struggled with Japanese from time to time.

"Actually, Seirin University requires all undergraduates to pass a 100-level Japanese Literature paper in order to graduate," Kagami said as he bit into his sixth burger. "I'm taking it for the bloody third time this year. It's hard." Kagami complained.

"I could tutor you." Kuroko offered, surprising Kagami.

"You could? Why would you?" Kagami asked.

"I'm doing a Bachelor of Teaching. It will be valuable experience for me, tutoring an idiot that is," Kuroko bluntly explained.

"Why you little…" Kagami impulsively stood up. "If you were a guy, I'd beat your sorry arse for that-" Kagami was stopped by the sudden aura of killing intent he felt behind him.

"Put your hands on Tetsu and I'll dress you as a lettuce and feed you to the snails. It will be a very slow death..." Aomine drawled.

"What?" Kagami was left speechless.

_ '__What the fuck just came out of my frickkin mouth?!' _Aomine didn't let his embarrassment show.

Kuroko had been waiting for Aomine to finish his last lecture for the day. Yet, when he'd finally arrived at Maji Burger, he saw a guy all up in her personal bubble.

Aomine hadn't been jealous. '_Hell no, why would I get jealous over that?' _But, it still bothered him that a guy he didn't know was so over-familiar with her.

Kuroko was trying to suppress a smile at Aomine's verbal diarrhoea, but it was obvious to her best-friend what she was thinking.

_'__Damn it Tetsu, don't laugh.' _Aomine groaned inwardly.

"Anyways, let's go Tetsu," Aomine stared down Kagami, the look in his eyes reminiscent of an animal marking his territory.

"You play?" Kagami asked, motioning to the basketball Aomine had in hand.

"Yeah, so?" Aomine answered, not keen on acknowledging the red-head. "Tch…"

"What's that 'tch' supposed to mean huh?!" Kagami took a step toward Aomine. _'What's with these two? Do they make a habit of messing with people they barely know?'_

"Aomine-kun, please behave." Coming from someone who was absolutely tiny compared to the two boys, the scolding was completely ineffective.

_'__Stop acting so fucking cute. If anything, you're making me naughty,'_ Aomine regretfully admitted to himself.

"Kagami-kun, Aomine-kun's the ace of Teikou's basketball team," said Kuroko.

"Huh, is he any good?" Kagami taunted.

"Better than you," Aomine leaned in intimidatingly. _'This punk's really getting on my nerves.'_

"You sure about that?" Kagami countered.

"Any closer and you'll kiss." Kuroko said abruptly, causing the boys to immediately recoil from each other.

"Regardless," Aomine said after recovering. "The only one who can beat me is me."

"Wanna bet on that?" If there's one thing Kagami prided himself on, it was his basketball skills.

"What are the terms?" Aomine would crush him, if only just to let off a little steam.

"1 on 1. 10 games. Winner spends all of Friday with Kuroko." Kagami named his terms. _'She seems important to him. It'll be that much sweeter when I beat him.'_

_'__No honorifics?'_ A vein popped on Aomine's forehead. _'And Friday, isn't that Valentine's Day?'_

"Actually, I am a gu-" Kuroko was interrupted by Aomine.

"Like I'll hand over Tetsu to the likes of you." Aomine drawled. "You're on. Thursday, 3 o'clock, Teikou Stadium. I'll be waiting."

"I don't agree with this," said Kuroko, but the boys were too busy glaring at each other to listen to her.

"Let's go, Tetsu." Aomine gave Kagami one last smirk before taking Kuroko's hand and began pulling her towards the exit.

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 5 minutes later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Aomine and Kuroko were cutting through a quiet park on their way home.

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko panted, her short breaths coming out as little puffs of vapour in the cold February air. "I can't keep up with you."

"Oh." Aomine released her hand. In his ire, he hadn't even noticed that he had been pulling Kuroko along all this while. She could no longer keep up with his long strides.

As soon as she was released, Kuroko ended up slumping, face down into the snow.

"Sheesh…" Aomine squatted in front Kuroko. "You're the most graceless girl ever."

"But I'm a guy." Kuroko spoke with her face buried in the snow.

"You're not one right now."

"Aomine-kun, I am a guy." Kuroko repeated.

"Not with that rack-" Aomine interrupted himself. "We've had this pointless conversation before."

"Still, it doesn't diminish the fact that I am a guy." She still faced the snow.

"Tch…" Aomine was getting tired of talking to the back of her head. He took her by her shoulders and heaved her up.

She was light as a feather.

_'__How can you keep calling yourself a guy when you weigh as much as a cat, idiot,' _Aomine thought.

The snow had stuck to her face.

"Pffttt, you look like crap. Wipe that shit off your face." Aomine laughed. "Anyway, fall in love quickly and become a real man again if you're so insistent about being a guy."

"Aomine-kun, may I fall in love with you?" Kuroko asked in her usual composure.

"Hell no," Aomine replied firmly. _'Don't ask me such a question with your face looking like a melted marshmallow.'_ He wiped the snow off with his gloved hand. Looking closely, he realised that both versions of Kuroko didn't look that different at all. They were both adorable, in the unconventional sense.

"Thank you Aomine-kun, I think all the snow's gone now," Kuroko said, snapping Aomine out of his reverie.

_'__The fuck? How long did I just stand here with my hand on her face? __What in the world just happened?_' The tanned athlete had completely forgotten the passage of time.

"Ahhhh… right, sorry," Aomine said, turning away to hide his blush as he berated himself.

_'Stop blushing, you look fucking prepubescent.'_

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 12/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

When Kuroko walked out of the bath today, he found Aomine Daiki, who had just finished his morning run, coming through their front door. For some reason, Aomine wouldn't acknowledge Kuroko, who was only wearing a pair of shorts, properly.

"Aomine-kun, are you avoiding me?" Kuroko asked. Things have been a bit awkward since yesterday. _'As I thought, Aomine-kun hates my current condition. I'm trying, and Momoi-san is a nice girl, so I'm not sure why I'm still swapping genders._'

"I'm not," Aomine drawled, but still refused to look at Kuroko, choosing to concentrate on untying his shoelaces instead.

"I'm a guy today see?" Kuroko pulled down the front of his shorts. "My balls."

"Don't casually pull down your fucking shorts!" Aomine yelled, throwing his left sneaker at him in a fit of rage.

_'He better not do this in front of other people, especially when he's a she.'_ Aomine groaned, massaging the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He had always been attracted, at least sexually, to Kuroko's female form. But, ever since that fateful day he woke up practically molesting her, he'd slowly become more aware of Kuroko's male form as well. The latter attraction was nowhere near as intense at the former, but still…

_'Am I turning bi for my best friend?' _ But, since Kuroko was a guy one day and a girl the next, it was truly complicated beyond belief.

_'No, that can't be,' _Aomine reasoned._ 'It's because of Tetsu's tits. I am a man hailing from planet boob. I love big tits. Boobies banzai!'_

"Ah," Kuroko smiled; seemingly satisfied that Aomine was properly talking, well yelling technically, at him now. "Aomine-kun's cursing again. That means you're fine no? I'm glad. You've been weird since yesterday at the park."

"I-" Aomine stammered. "Huh, I guess I have." He couldn't deny it. Kuroko would have known. They knew each other too well. _'No point worrying about it. I just need to wait till he falls in love. Then this whole thing will blow over and everything will go back to normal.'_

"Well, I supposed it doesn't matter now." Kuroko said as he walked into his room. He re-emerged moments later fully dressed. "I'll be going on a date with Momoi-san today. Can you handle your own dinner?"

_'Cheer me on, Aomine-kun,' _Kuroko thought to himself.

"Oh…" Aomine paused. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Go get 'em tiger"

Kuroko smiled as he left the apartment, leaving Aomine alone with his mortification. "'Go get 'em tiger'? What the fuck's wrong with me?"

Aomine ran his fingers through his short dark-blue hair in frustration.

"He'll fall in love, this whole thing will blow over, and everything will go back to the way it once was… Right?"


	4. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 4

**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. General silliness. Deletion imminent. ****An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. ********  
**

**[T] rating: Language and perversion.**

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 12/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Kuroko Tetsuya and Momoi Satsuki had gone to an indoor water park for their date.

Momoi had caught the attention of a multitude of males, much to the fury of their girlfriends, the moment she left the changing room.

"My god, look at her!"

"So... so cute!"

"What a babe!"

"Marry me!"

"Kuroko-kun~. What do you think? Does it look good on me?" Momoi wore a pink bathing suit. Given her generous proportions, it left little to the imagination.

"It's cute, Momoi-san." Kuroko replied.

"Kuroko-kun, you're making me blush!" Momoi flushed as she buried her face in his shoulder, causing most of the male population to glare daggers at him.

"No way!"

"What the fuck is she doing with that wimp?"

"That can't be her date right? He's barely even visible!"

"D… D.. Die!"

"Momoi-san, it's difficult to breathe…" Kuroko said before simply removing Momoi from his person and headed toward the artificial beach, shocking her.

"Ehh?..." It wasn't the norm for a man to be so unaffected by her charms_. 'Does Kuroko-kun not see me as a woman? But, he thinks I'm cute, doesn't he?' _

"Momoi-san, why didn't you follow me?" Kuroko suddenly appear out of nowhere and asked, shocking Momoi yet again. He held out his hand. "Come on, you wanted to play in the water right?"

"Ahh umm yes…" Momoi hesitated_. _

_'__Maybe he isn't interested in me after all?'_

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 13/02/2014 ****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

When Kuroko woke up this morning, she felt more tired than usual.

"Ya gonna brend inta za woll if ya get ary paler." Aomine Daiki drawled with his toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Good morning Aomine-kun," Kuroko greeted as she entered the bathroom and reached for her toothbrush on the bathroom sink.

"How was the date?" Aomine asked.

"Not good," was Kuroko's quick reply.

"Why?" Aomine sat on the edge of the bathtub. "You were so late coming home last night. I would've thought everything went great."

"Moimoi-san wasn't happy," said Kuroko after rinsing her mouth.

"Har?" Aomine cocked any eyebrow. "How so?"

"Apparently I offended her when I didn't get jealous that other guys were asking her to hang out with them. That – and I'm not aggressive enough – apparently." Kuroko regurgitated what she was told last night.

"Congratulations," Aomine congratulated her.

"What do you mean?" Kuroko asked.

"She likes you. She's probably just impatient about getting to the next level." Aomine explained. "A girl like her isn't used to being left in waiting."

"Aomine-kun, you understand women so well," said Kuroko.

"Coming from you, that sounds like an insult." Aomine got up and left. Kuroko followed soon after to find him pouring orange juice in their kitchen.

"Does it? Well then, Aomine-sensei." Kuroko make a little mock curtsey. "Please teach me how to be aggressive."

"Harrr?" Aomine scowled. "You don't have to change yourself. Just hold her hand, kiss her, say her hair smells like roses and shit. That'll probably satisfy her for now."

"And later? When she wants to go even further?" Kuroko pressed, making Aomine's scowl deepen even further.

"You're a hundred years too early to be thinking about that, idiot virgin." Aomine flicked her on her forehead.

"Ouch…" It was almost imperceptible, but Kuroko definitely pouted. Aomine had never seen her pout before.

_'__Even her personality's becoming more feminine. Crap, that's so damn cute,' _he thought.

"I don't have a hundred years. I have less than one," Kuroko said before walking into her flatmate's bedroom.

"Oi, Tetsu?" Aomine followed the moment he sat his drink on the counter.

"Looking for research material. Aomine-kun has so much porn, I'm sure you won't mind me borrowing a couple?" She got on all fours and started digging through his mountain of shoeboxes._ 'Which box does he keep his collection in?'_

"I very much do mind." Aomine panicked. _'The last thing I want is her studying porn.' _It was the last place anyone should go to get a realistic view on sex. "Oi stop!"

Aomine grabbed Kuroko by her waist, wanting to pull her away from the boxes. However, in his alarm, he had miscalculated his strength and her slightness, sending the both of them tumbling into his futon.

"Aomine-kun, you're heavy…" Kuroko breathed.

Even though Aomine had stopped himself in time, managing to put most of his weight on his arms beside her, his chest still sat atop her ample bust, putting pressure on her ribcage.

_'__Shit! They're so fucking soft…' _Aomine cursed, his manhood went from lax to erect in a fraction of a second. _'I need to get off her, but if I do, she'll notice.'_

"Ah… Sorry?" Aomine didn't know what to say.

"Actually…" Kuroko paused in thought before continuing. "That might work. Aomine-kun, could we practice?"

"Practice?" Aomine's face strained from both confusion and arousal.

"Yes, I lack the skills to progress with Momoi-san. But, Aomine-kun, you could teach, or rather, show me how it's done," Kuroko spoke in all seriousness.

"What?!" Even Aomine was surprised at how high and strangled his voice came out.

"It'd be easier for me to learn from a girl's perspective, don't you think?" Kuroko reasoned.

"You want me to show you how to have sex, by having sex with you?!" Aomine gaped. It was incredulous. _'This situation feels like a cheap hentai premise for fucks sake!'_ Aomine was sweating buckets of figurative sweat. The bulge in his pyjama pants was threatening to pop. _'Crap, I might not actually have the strength to refuse her. How am I supposed to refuse her something like this?' _

"No."

The clear-cut rejection was enough to send Aomine's balls shrinking right up to his chin.

"Wha…? But…"

"I meant dating and foreplay, not the act of sex itself," Kuroko explained. "Aomine-kun's too big. You'd probably rip me apart with that thing. Her eyes looked down, indicating her knowledge of his current state.

That sent Aomine flying right off Kuroko. "Don't say such things with a straight face, you fucking idiot!" He left the room to hide his blush_. _

_'__Damn it all to hell! Was I so desperate that I completely misunderstood her? Of course Tetsu didn't mean sex. She's been a fucking guy up until two weeks ago. I'm a frickkin idiot…'_

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 9 hours later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

By three in the afternoon, Aomine Daiki was already a flaming ball of pent-up rage and frustration.

"What's the matter with Aomine?" The captain of the basketball team, Nijimura Shūzō, asked another member of their team. "It's rare to see him so worked up."

"Look to your left, on the bleachers. There's your answer."

"Huh?" The non-regulars were huddled around a girl wearing a simple wool-knit dress. "Why is there a girl at our practice? It's distracting the guys." Nijimura asked his second in command.

"It's Aomine's girl. Well, they came together anyways. A stick with breasts isn't she? His type exactly. Apparently he and some dude from Seirin had a bet involving her. He should be arriving soon for a 1 on 1 battle."

"Seirin? That new university has a team?"

"They haven't played in any official games, so it's more of a club at this point. But Aomine didn't say anything about the guy being part of that club."

"Huh… Interesting…"

"Oi freshmen! Take a run around the perimeter!" Aomine suddenly ordered, receiving numerous groans in reply. The non-regulars looked to Nijimura and groaned a second time when he gave his nod of approval.

"Tch…"

"Aomine's in a foul mood, the Seirin kid's doomed." None of the regulars disagreed with their captain.

Minutes later, Kagami walked onto the court.

"Yo, Kuroko," Kagami greeted.

"Hi, Kagami-kun," Kuroko returned the greeting. "Please play as hard as you can," warned Kuroko.

"No problem." Kagami smirked. _'She's rooting for me huh?'_

"I've been waiting." Aomine walked over, threw Kagami the ball harder than necessary, turned around, and walked towards the hoop without another word.

"Che… Arrogant ass…" Kagami muttered, dribbling the ball slowly as he walked towards Aomine.

"You say something?" Aomine was so pissed; he might as well have spat out those words.

After the morning's unfortunate event, he had nearly beaten every single guy on campus who dared look at Kuroko in a suggestive manner. She was starting to lose her low presence with each passing day, and the number of men he had to deter every time she came on campus as a girl was growing at an alarming rate.

"Ah nothing. Just wondering which arm pillow I'm gonna offer Kuroko tomorrow. Does she sleep on the right or the left side of the bed?" Kagami taunted. Inwardly cringing, he told himself, _'Ughh… I need to work on my trash talk.'_

Little did Kagami know what he had done with just that idle threat.

There was a dangerous flash in Aomine's eyes.

"Time to play, punk."


	5. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 5

**Chapter 5: 404 - Balls Not Found Part 5**

* * *

**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. Deletion imminent. An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. ********  
**

**[T] rating: Language, perversion, shounen-ai.********  
**

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 13/02/2014 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Kagami panted; sweat dripping down his arms as he slowly picked himself off the court.

He didn't even last 3 minutes.

Aomine's bored expression taunted Kagami even as he offered him a hand, but the latter simply slapped it away.

"Don't look down on me." Kagami clenched his teeth and got up on his own.

"Tch…" Aomine wondered why he even bothered to help.

"Alright people, show's over." Nijimura clapped his hands as he projected his voice. "Back to practice!" The captain grabbed Aomine by his uniform and dragged him off. "You're no exception." The hint of spite in his voice suggested that he didn't appreciate the interruption to their practice.

"Give me a min-" Kuroko and Kagami were still there.

"I've given you enough." Nijimura put his foot down and continued to pull his junior away.

Kuroko sneaked up on a defeated-looking Kagami and bent her knees right behind him, shocking the red-head from his disappointment.

Aomine made a face when he saw this.

'_What do you see in him, Tetsu?'_

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 30 minutes later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Kuroko and Kagami were at the university library.

"You don't have to beat yourself up over losing to Aomine-kun you know. Here," Kuroko said softly as she added another reference book to the sizable pile already in the tall red-head's hands.

"I'm not beating myself up over it," Kagami denied in a mumble as he followed her, skimming shelf after shelf. '_Seriously, what's with this girl? I've just suffered the biggest defeat of my basketball career at the hands of her boyfriend and she's not even the least bit bothered by it.'_

In the corner of his eye, Kagami saw 3 students eye the both of them, clearly displeased that they were talking in the library.

Kagami lent in closer and whispered in Kuroko's ear, "Plus, I've never agreed to you becoming my tutor."

"I don't think you have much of a choice." Kuroko held up 3 fingers. "Third time right?" She smiled; the type that a girl did when she knew she was going to get her way. "Plus you're not a good liar."

"Huh?"

"Anyone who loves basketball would feel frustrated after losing," Kuroko turned her to Kagami and whisper. "But, you gave it your best and kept trying until the end. I respect you for that, and I suspect that somewhere, deep, deep down in Aomine-kun's heart, underneath all those layers of muscle and more muscle, he appreciated your efforts too."

Her breath tickled his neck. Kagami let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding. Yet, Kuroko didn't seem to make much of their close proximity. She was already on her tip toes, trying to reach another book.

'_If only I wasn't a girl right now.' _Kuroko thought before finding her back to Kagami's chest. He removed the book she was reaching for off the shelf, saying, "This one right?" in passing before adding it to the pile.

"Yes." Kuroko said as she tilted her head upwards to meet Kagami who tilted his head downwards.

Their eyes met. It was enough to make Kagami's heart skip a beat and his strength leave his body.

"Yes?" Kuroko asked, wondering why Kagami wouldn't look away.

"Just wondering how that jerk got you for a girlfriend." Kagami said, surprised at his own frankness.

Even more surprising though, was Kuroko's face. He'd originally believed her to be capable of only two reactions, her usual deadpanned expression, and the small smile she sometimes made here and there. Yet, now, she looked like she could almost laugh. Almost.

"Aomine-kun would probably flip a table if he knew you thought that," Kuroko said, startling Kagami.

'_For a second there I thought she'd read my mind. But…' _Kagami's thoughts trailed off. "You're not?" He sounded too happy for his own liking.

"No," Kuroko shook her head. Her neck had started to complain from the strain of looking up at Kagami from the awkward position. "He is my best friend."

"Seems unlikely," Kagami said.

"Does it?" Kuroko wondered how long she could keep looking up at Kagami like that. "He's not the most polite person in the world, hardheaded, and swears like sailor too. But, he's always had my back, and he loves basketball more than anything in the world.

Kagami did a long drawn out sigh. "It's irritating hearing you speak so fondly of that guy."

"Aomine-kun's really not that bad," Kuroko reasoned.

"I know." Kagami said in earnest. "If he were, I'd feel a lot less guilty about what I'm about to do."

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 14/02/2014 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Kuroko was preparing breakfast in the kitchen when Aomine woke up that morning. Kuroko had him enter the apartment at 2 a.m., something he did often when he had a lot of his mind.

"Good morning," Kuroko greeted.

"Morning," Aomine greeted back, his voice still hoarse.

Kuroko concentrated on slicing the daikon. He didn't need to turn around to know that Aomine was behind him, leaning against the fridge.

'_His arms are probably crossed too._' Kuroko thought.

"So, how did your little tutee took his defeat?" Aomine finally broke the silence.

"Very well, surprisingly." Kuroko answered. "He even asked me out, surprisingly."

"What?!" Aomine's deep voice cracked. "What did you reply?"

"Thank you, but I am really a guy currently in the process of wooing the hottest girl in the statistics department in hopes of stopping my gender swapping tendencies," Kuroko answered.

"Are you serious?" Aomine crossed the small kitchen until he was just mere inches away from Kuroko, prompting him to bonk him on the head with a ladle.

"As a heart attack. But, Kagami-kun found it so astonishing that I'd make a joke that he proceeded to laugh hard enough to get us kicked out of the library."

"So he still thinks he's got a chance with you?" Aomine asked.

"He did say something about not giving up," Kuroko answered, much to Aomine's displeasure.

"For fucks sake Tetsu, he's a guy." Aomine stated the elephant in the room.

"But, he thinks I'm a girl," Kuroko stated the obvious. "You know everything and still got an erection," Kuroko looked Aomine right in the eye.

Aomine massaged the bridge of his nose in frustration. '_Dammit Daiki calm the fuck down.'_

"Yesterday- That…" Aomine ran his hand through his hair and started pacing in the kicthen.

'_Aomine-kun never paces.' _Kuroko knew this was serious.

"We've known each other all our lives Tetsu, you're my pal. It goes without saying that I like you. But, suddenly you turn into…"

"Into?" Kuroko almost dreaded what Aomine was about to say. Just like he said, they grew up together; there were very few people he cherished like he did Aomine.

"My ideal woman," Aomine looked away, the red of his embarrassment clearly plastered all over his tanned face. "But even beyond all of that," Aomine paused to look at Kuroko in the eyes. "You're just… adorable."

Kuroko's eyes widened. "Adorable…" he repeated. It sounded weird rolling of his tongue. He wasn't sure if it was a compliment to call a guy adorable. _'I'd always thought Aomine-kun preferred the sexy type.'_

Aomine walked toward him, eventually trapping Kuroko between himself and the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, you're adorable; an oddball whose both smart and spacey. I don't know how you manage to pull it off." Aomine cupped Kuroko's face in his hands.

Kuroko's skin was so soft and translucent Aomine was scared that he'd bruise with a mere touch. Still, he didn't flinch, nor did he give any indication that he found his closeness disagreeable.

"You kept asking me if you could fall in love with me." Aomine traced the edge of Kuroko's lower lip. There was desire in his deep blue eyes.

"You made it clear I couldn't," Kuroko reminded him.

"I know. To be honest, this whole gender swapping thing is still confusing the hell outta me. I thought everything would go back to normal once you fall in love with Momoi. I wanted you to become 'Tetsu' again, the guy who'd always loved basketball no matter how hopeless a sport it seemed for him, the guy who I had to save every time he'd pass out after his third lap in the swimming pool, the guy who'd stand up to bullies twice his size even though he knew he'd get beaten up, the guy who had no remorse telling me I'm an ass straight to my face when I did something wrong. But, even as you are now, you're still that guy. Regardless of your indecisive sex chromosomes, you're still that guy. So… the next time you ask me that question, I'd like to ask you the same question in return."

Aomine searched Kuroko's eyes, but as always, he was impossible to read.

"And the fact that Kagami-kun confessed has nothing to do with this?" Kuroko asked.

"Why are you thinking about him at a time like this?" Aomine's brows furrowed and he took his hands off of Kuroko.

"Because you're right Aomine-kun, we've known each other all our lives; I know how much you hate to lose. I can't help but suspect that this sudden revelation's somehow tied to your rivalry with him," said Kuroko.

"I'd be lying if it wasn't. Of course I'd hate that he made a move on you," said Aomine.

"And yet, you didn't have any complaints about Momoi-san," Kuroko pointed out.

"Tell me of a time she made a move on you and we'll see if I have any complaints," Aomine's threat was comically, and deliberately monotone. But, if his treatment of Kise were any indication, he was pretty much sure that he would.

"But, I am a guy." Kuroko's doubts were unrelenting. It was nerve-wracking for Aomine.

"I know, but-" Aomine was interrupted.

"Do you remember our 2nd year in middle-school? Our senpai made you choose between basketball and breasts. You answered breasts before he even finished the question. I am a guy. Tomorrow, I will wake up a girl. My hair will be long, my voice will be high, and my chest will be big enough to invite wandering eyes. But the next day, I will return to how I am now. And when this curse is lifted, I will never be your ideal woman agai-"

This time, Kuroko was interrupted. It was difficult to speak when Aomine's tongue in his mouth after all. Being kissed out of the blue, and so voraciously too, made Kuroko want to detest it simply on the principle on of the matter. Yet, Aomine lived up to his reputation. Even a total novice like Kuroko understood just how good of a kisser his flat mate was. Maybe he simply wasn't used to it, but Aomine's ministrations were blocking all coherent thoughts out of his mind.

Kuroko closed his eyes, and a much-needed sense of relief washed over Aomine. He had definitely been uncertain at first, but the shorter male was finally responding to him. Aomine knew it was underhanded to use such thing against Kuroko, but his doubts ate at the taller male. The curse had unquestionably played a huge part in all of this. Even though he knew Kuroko's 'May I fall in love with you?' questions had been lighthearted quips in the purest sense, it had still initiated a chain reaction that did nothing but accelerate his feelings for him, uhh her, uhh…

"Tetsu…" Aomine breathed out when they finally broke for air. Kuroko, dazed as he was, barely uttered a single syllable before Aomine headed in for yet another lengthy smooch. "To me, you're just Tetsu. To me, you'll always be Tetsu. Balls or breasts, it doesn't matter; I think I was bound to fall for you, sooner or later, either way, either gender."

Kuroko chuckled. "That is the cheesiest thing anyone's ever said to me. You must be a riot with the girls."

"Believe it or not, I don't usually say such cheese-laden lines to girls, or guys for that matter." Aomine pressed his forehead to his. "You've turned me into a desperate, sappy guy who's falling in love; and to his own childhood friend no less. I'm gonna have to build a house, climb a mountain, and grow a mustache just to get a fraction my man-points back."

Kuroko chuckled again.

Aomine decided that he didn't do it often enough.

"I believe you, but, I'm afraid I'll have to tell you the same thing I told Kagami-kun," said Kuroko.

"You don't mean that," Aomine joked but Kuroko pushed him away all the same.

"I do. I'm supposed to be wooing Momoi-san. This isn't fair to her. And don't start. She and I were your idea so you're just going to have to control yourself until I apologise to her. It's Valentines Day today, she and I are going out tonight , but here I am cheating on her with you," said Kuroko.

"The two of you never made anything official. You said it yourself, you're still in the process of wooing her. And wasn't she pissed at you over something?" Asked Aomine.

"You were the one who said it was because she liked me," responded Kuroko.

Aomine sighed, "Would it help if I confess that I only said that to make you feel less shitty about being a shitty date?"

"It would, if you're telling the truth. But, either way, until I set things right - nothing." Kuroko was determined, but Aomine struggled with the notion of restraint.

"Impossible. We live under the same roof, alone, and I'm not allowed to touch you?"

"It's no different from before," Kuroko reasoned.

"It's plenty different from before. I didn't know what it was like to kiss you up until 15 minutes ago!" Aomine tried to justify his demands.

"Then I'll just have to invite Kise-kun over. That should take care of the 'alone' part."

Aomine blanched immediately. "That'll take care of the 'living' part too."

It took a while, but eventually Aomine turned around, and Kuroko knew he had won.

"When everything's cleared up, you'll definitely be mine?" The pleading tone felt weirdly inappropriate when coupled with Aomine's deep, usually confident drawl.

"If I keep my balls tomorrow, then yes, I suppose when everything's cleared up, I'm definitely yours."

"Definitely?"

"Definitely."

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 15/02/2014 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

It was 4 a.m. when Kuroko was woken up by a knock at the door.

"Tetsu, are your balls still there?" Came Aomine's voice from beyond the door.

Kuroko groaned and ducked under the covers.

In the hallway, Aomine had his ear pressed against Kuroko's door.

A few seconds later, Kuroko's groggy reply came.

"No, they're still not found. Now leave me alone before I make sure you lose yours too."


	6. 404 - Balls Not Found Part 6

**Chapter 6: 404 - Balls Not Found Part 6**

* * *

**WARNINGS!: Unbeta'd. OCCness. Deletion imminent. An extremely silly story not meant to be taken seriously. ********  
**

**[T] rating: Language, perversion, shounen-ai.**

* * *

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 16/02/2014 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Even though it was early on a Sunday morning, Kise Ryouta was in the studio for his latest photo-shoot.

"Nice Kise-kun. Just 10 more frames and we'll change sets everyone!" The photo-shoot director shouted.

The bright lights, the clothes, the never-ending flashes, the theatrical poses, the fake smiles … Kise had always been in his element when it came to such things. But today, he couldn't help but feel off rhythm.

"Okay, set change! Someone fix Kise-kun's make-up please!"

Kise sat down and took out his phone as the make-up crew gathered around him.

'_They just look too alike_,' Kise thought as he swiped his phone screen to view another photograph of the girl he'd seen yesterday.

"She looks just like Kurokocchi," Kise mumbled to himself.

"Uwaahhh, what a pretty girl," the girl who was fixing his hair marvelled as she looked over his shoulder. "Girlfriend?" She teased.

"Ahhh no, no way hahahaha… I don't even know her name," Kise laughed. "But, I can't say that I'm not interested in her."

"Heheh, but it's the first time you've been interested in someone right?" Another girl asked, eager for some fresh gossip.

"Yeah, usually you're always going on about your 'KUROKOCCHI!~~'" The other girls giggled at the impersonation, but they were quickly silenced when the director came over.

"Kise-kun, are you ready for the next shoot?" The director asked.

"Yes sir, just let me put this awa-"

"Wait." The director reached for Kise's phone. "Ho… What do we have here?"

* * *

******XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 3 Hours Later** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

"Aominecchi! Kurokocchi! Open up! Big problem!" Kise shouted as he banged on the front door of Aomine and Kuroko's flat.

"Shut up already, you're disturbing the neighbours," Aomine yawned as he opened the door.

The moment a gap opened, Kise zipped past a half-awake Aomine and enveloped Kuroko in a big bear hug, rubbing his cheek to Kuroko's soft, light blue hair. "Ahh… Kurokocchi!~~ I love your morning bedhead the most!"

"Kise-kun, you're too close," Kuroko said in a deadpanned expression, but did nothing to deter Kise's attentions.

Aomine, on the other hand, couldn't stop the vein on his forehead from popping. "What's the problem?"

"Oh right." Kise suddenly remembered what he'd been panicking about before. "This!" He showed the two bluenettes the photograph on his phone.

The sight of Kuroko's female form innocently sipping her MB vanilla milkshake raised Aomine's hackles before Kise could even say a word. "What's your deal? Going around taking photographs of unsuspecting girls?" He snatched the phone away and proceeded to delete Kuroko's photos. The sheer number of them amazed and scared him all at the same time.

'_To think Tetsu's so damn vulnerable_,' Aomine frowned. Kuroko had little to no presence as a guy, but as a girl, she couldn't be more noticeable if she grew a fluffy tail and little pink paws.

It didn't sit well with Aomine that strangers could so easily take Kuroko's photos. What irked him even more was the fact that there was so little he could do to stop it. Not unless he tied Kuroko to a metal bar and kept her in their flat, where it was safe… where he could protect her. But, Aomine knew Kuroko would never agree to that. The taller male looked at his flat mate and found himself smiling at his notorious bedhead, '_I wish I could tie myself to you._'

"Nooo! Why would you do that Aominecchi!" Kise cried when he managed to repossess his phone. "I need to find her!" Kise pouted, droplets of tears rimmed his eyes.

"Why Kise-kun?" Kuroko asked. He wasn't particularly happy about having his photographs taken so casually, but that was neither here nor there.

"My photoshoot director sent those photos to his colleague and now he's absolutely adamant about having her in his new commercial. It's for a new perfume from a famous French fashion house. I'm guaranteed the male lead if she becomes the female lead. I have no idea who she is or where to find her, but surely you guys see it too don't you? She looks exactly like you Kurokocchi. I thought you two might be related or something."

"Actu-"

"She looks nothing like Tetsu. Sorry, we can't help you," Aomine said firmly. No way, no way in hell was he ever going to let Kuroko prance around in a commercial, exposing herself to all the leers of men and perverts alike. '_The only man who'll ever have that privilege is me.'_

"You're already very famous Kise-kun. One account wouldn't be that much of a loss," Kuroko tried to console Kise by politely patting his back. Truth be told, he didn't like how Aomine was unusually harsh with Kise today.

"The commercial will be shown worldwide. It's a chance for me to finally go international."

"I see... When's the date of the filming?" Kuroko asked and almost immediately Aomine's strong left arm wrapped itself around his neck and dragged him into his bedroom.

"You, stay there," Aomine pointed to Kise before shutting the door.

"You can't seriously be considering this. Are you?" Aomine asked Kuroko.

"Kise-kun's our friend. He's been our friend for a long time. Have you ever seen him so desperate?"

"He's the living definition of desperation! You just don't see it 'cos you're the one he's desperate for."

Kuroko raised an eyebrow.

"Is there anything I could possibly do to make you drop this whole thing?"

"No."

"Damn…" Aomine sighed. "You'll be a celebrity if you go through with this. There'll be strangers… stalkers following you… taking photos of you… stealing your underwear… digging through our trash for your DNA…"

"Aomine-kun please stop joking."

"Who's joking? I'm serious Tetsu, what if this curse gets exposed? Things will get crazy. Scientists… scholars, they'll probably want to study you, maybe even dissect you."

Kuroko couldn't stop himself from smiling. Aomine had always been so fearless, so self-assured in his person. It was refreshing to see him this anxious about something. It was the first time Kuroko could say the words, "Aomine-kun, you're so cute," in full confidence.

"Eh?" Aomine said, taken aback. "Who's the one joking now?"

"It's just one commercial Aomine-kun. One commercial," Kuroko repeated. "And thanks to you, we don't even know when the filming will be. I might not even be a girl that day."

"Wouldn't that be the answer to all my prayers…" Aomine muttered.

"Kise-kun really wants this account Aomine-kun." Kuroko's eyes were steady and unwavering.

Aomine frowned, '_You've never been able to turn a blind eye to those who need your help.'_

"Okay, but on 5 conditions; 1 – this will be the only time; 2 – the filming has to finish within the 24 hours that you're a girl; 3 – I am going with you; 4 – you start calling me by my name; and 5 – you're going to lift this 'touching' ban you've put me on."

'_So that's why Aomine-kun's been extra grumpy today...'_ It all made sense now.

"I told you, the ban stays until Momoi and I-"

"You've talk to her on Friday night didn't you?"

"Yes and my right cheek's still smarting because of it thank you very much." Evidently, ending a courtship on Valentine's Day was not one of the better decisions Kuroko had made in his 21 years.

"So what's the problem?"

"Closure," Kuroko said, as if that single word contained everything that Aomine was supposed to understand about the female need for emotional resolution.

"She slapped you harder than an Ignite Pass Kai, I'm pretty sure she received whatever closure there is."

"…" Kuroko couldn't argue with that.

"And you're still swapping genders. I have my work cut out for me trying to get you to fall in love with me. How can I if I'm not allowed to even kiss you?" Aomine encircled Kuroko's waist. "I don't have as much willpower as you think I do Tetsu, not when it comes to you." Aomine cupped Kuroko's bottom, pressing him into his engorged member.

"Alright," Kuroko finally gave in. "But I'm not exactly satisfied with this."

Aomine smirked. "Before tonight's over, you'll be too satisfied to even move a muscle. He traced Kuroko's ear with his tongue, loving the sound of Kuroko's gasp. "That, I promise you." He lightly bit Kuroko's little earlobe. Nipping and tugging until he heard Kuroko's cute little whimper. "And don't you dare put that stupid ban in place ever again." Aomine drew the delicate piece of flesh into his warm mouth and soon Kuroko's quiet moans were joined by the wet noises Aomine made with his tongue.

"Kurokocchi, Aominecchi?!" Kise called from the living room.

Aomine actually growled, "Tell him the girl in the photograph is your cousin-"

"Cousin, really? Are you sure you're not hiding some shoujo manga in your porn stash Aomine-kun?" Kuroko said sarcastically.

Aomine made a face, but continued nonetheless. "Tell him the girl's your cousin, and that she'll do the commercial if his agency promises not to leak any personal information."

"Thank you," Kuroko smiled as he reached for the door. He knew he didn't really need Aomine's permission to do anything, but it still meant something to have his support.

"Oh and wait." Aomine drawled, suddenly pulling Kuroko back into his arms. "Here's your punishment for breaking a condition," Aomine gave a toothy grin before he kissed Kuroko within an inch of his life. His hand reached behind Kuroko's neck, bracing him against the sheer force of his kiss. His tongue slipped past Kuroko's lips, delving aggressively, searching deeply.

"I'll never get enough of you." Aomine gave Kuroko another quick peck on the lips before doing the same to his forehead. "And don't forget; call me Daiki from now on."

"Kurokocchi, Aominecchi!" Kise yelled.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF!-"

* * *

**You see what I said about Kise's cockblocking? **

**Thanks to Scythe-chan for this fic's book cover. I never thought there'd be fanart for any of my fics. Makes me happy enough retire being an author.**

**What should the commercial be? With Kise and Kuroko as the leads and Aomine there watching, go crazy with your imaginations and tell me what you think! :D**


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